here's a thought process, a vulnerable one at that, which has been mulling around in my head this month.
do you ever make resolutions to get organized and stay organized? or maybe your kryptonite isn't clutter, but sugar, or social media, or shopping, or whatever you tell yourself every December that on January 1 will be "no more!"
for me it's often health related. I'll exercise and get on a rhythm finally... despite the fact I don't enjoy it... Or I'll finally cut out the sugar and gluten to drop the weight I've gained... Or I'll implement that latest strategy that caught my attention that seems like a plausible solution to a life pattern of chaos.
so as a coach of sorts, I'm often on the hunt for awareness of how to identify why we do what we do, because awareness of our behavior & triggers is one of the first steps to making change.
I've had a deeply discouraging month with my own health journey. I actually cried when I saw some photos of myself. The mirror has not been my friend lately, nor has any shirt that buttons up. And what does health have to do with organizing? hold your horses...
I met with a health coach recently in Ann Arbor. she was delightful. a few questions she posed throughout our convo helped me to see things differently. this meeting came on the heels of another conversation with my Lifegroup leaders from church who shared an area of my life that needs some attention.
did you know that fear, perfectionism, shame, over-planning, control freak tendencies, defensiveness, hyper sensitivity, type A flesh patterns and much more can all stem from a spirit of rejection?
a spirit of rejection is something my leaders spoke with me about in depth. yes, I trace back experiences of rejection to a young age but even more recently in the last few years, and I can point to a breakup that triggered weight gain for the next two years. It wasn't the breakup, it was the accompanying sense of rejection that probably played a role in my spinning downward.
no wonder I can't make myself a system of healthy eating and exercising and stick to it! The wound of rejection still needs to be healed (even deeper) where I'm operating from love and wholeness instead of the search for perfection - whether it's perfect body image, perfect eating plan, perfect exercise plan, etc. All of these are things I have wanted. Do you see how the perfection comes from the rejection? it's that yearning to feel "okay" that is projected outwardly as if things being lined up externally will bring validation.
one reason I bring this up is because of a recent client. there are lifelong patterns of disorganization at play. I left for a month after working together and came back to find a big mess. Yes, we had discussed the exact plan for what to do with mail and papers when they came in. It was printed and posted on the fridge and the counter. No, they were not followed for more than two weeks.
As I probed a little deeper, I discovered that at the two week mark, this client experienced a breakup. At that point it became a non-priority to keep up with the system. The feeling of rejection was a trigger that got this client off of the system.
even though the decision had been made previously to get organized, in the moment it didn't matter anymore because the negative feelings were driving decisions. It probably even happened at a level my client wasn't aware of. I felt empathetic because I realize that I do this with my healthy eating routines whenever something like a breakup or huge, difficult transition comes up.
What I noticed is that disorganization and "letting things go" is a coping mechanism. it's a lack of self care that shows up in one's environment. If you've watched Hoarders you might recognize that when a hoarder gets to the bottom of their problem it often started after a period of loss. The pressure on the inside is strong. Mentally they may even know what they "should" be doing, but the motivation flees.
Another way to view it is like driving a car when the alignment is off. Let's say that an experience of loss or rejection has gotten you tangled up and off kilter, and it has seeped into your filter of viewing the world. When you try and drive the car you are fighting not just the steering wheel but the internal alignment of the car, and it makes it difficult to get to your destination.
no perfect system can heal you. No professional organizer can fix you. No behavioral therapy can alter a lifelong pattern unless it is healed from the inside out.
It's deep stuff, y'all. Sometimes it's deep stuff that's uncomfortable to talk about. You don't even want to look a person in the eye when they bring up an observation or shortcoming. I know. I've been there.
I googled the connection between rejection and food issues and came up with this brilliant article which has insights that I think can be applied across disciplines, not just food.
but there actually is hope. The cross of Christ covers all of our shame and rejection issues. My word for 2017 is "acceptance in the Beloved." Until we are convinced of our loveability in God's eyes, evidenced by the value of the Son He sent to die in our place, we won't thrive.
So I'll be giving attention to the spirit of rejection and being accepted in the Beloved as the antidote to my weight and health issues that have been ongoing. I'm looking into finding the right kind of support, community, and accountability to help make my goals a reality. But I can't out-exercise my wound. And you can't out-organize yours.
And no matter how determined you are to have a Pinterest perfect organized home, if you don't identify and deal with the underlying thought patterns and yes, even wounds at times, it's going to be like climbing uphill in the snow to achieve the goals for your home.
I have gained some huge clues this year for helping myself and others in their homes. If you're looking for someone on your support team to an organized and peaceful home, consider signing up for your complimentary strategy session on my phone consult page.
to a peaceful 2017,